Showing posts with label Life Lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life Lessons. Show all posts

Once Upon a Sunday New Year

by Renee Hawkley


Once upon a Sunday New Year, a stranger was driving along a stretch of McMillan Road that borders a residential area in Boise, Idaho.  She happened to pass a makeshift "Hot Cocoa Stand" attended by a smattering of young children.  A rickety car was holding its ground nearby.

OK.  A hot cocoa stand is an unusual sight to behold along McMillan Road on a frosty, sky-blue Sunday in January.  On her way home, the stranger passed the stand again, noticed the children had a small stream of customers, and was, well—curious.  She was also smitten with a sudden craving for hot cocoa. 

Now, this stranger has a rule about spending money on a Sunday.  She doesn’t.  So she turned her gaze again to the straight and narrow road ahead and kept driving.

Still . . . the car slowed as she decided there would be no slackening of standards if she were to turn the car around and go back just to hear how this “Hot Cocoa Stand” came to be.  That way, she could get the story without having to pay for it.  So she did.

And here’s the story, as told by the hot cocoa stand’s owner, a girl of about age ten, who wanted a specific family game for Christmas that hadn’t been delivered.  She wanted it badly enough to come up with an idea.  She would raid her piggy bank to buy hot cocoa mix and a can of Reddi-Whip, make a “Hot Cocoa Stand” sign out of cardboard, and ask her dad for help to set up shop with her younger siblings on McMillan Road.  Dad agreed to help.  And there they were—Dad helping the younger children to dispense hot cocoa and Reddi-Whip while his oldest daughter acted as cashier.

I don’t know if the family’s “Once upon a time” story has the “Happily ever after” ending it deserves.  All I know is that the stranger bought a tasty cup of hot cocoa that kept her warm all day—“with Reddi-Whip, thank you”—and paid more money for it than the cardboard sign suggested.  Once upon a Sunday New Year.  

Happy New Year!
Sunday ~ January 1, 2012


The Necklace

by Renee Hawkley

It was painful to pull the little grey cocoon of towel lint out of the dryer and discover that it was the earthly remains of a treasured necklace . . . the necklace that displayed the birthstones of our children and had been a gift to me from our daughter, Jill. Now, it was ruined due to my careless mistake.

I placed it on a dresser, promising to make an attempt at recovery later. Later became a year, maybe two. In the meantime, I often felt pangs of regret and sadness as I glanced at the tiny wad of matted silver in passing.

One day, I decided I had suffered long enough. It was time to see if some small part of the necklace could be salvaged. I gathered a few tools . . . a magnifying glass, a piece of black velvet to serve as "a jeweler's background," and a pair of needle-nosed tweezers . . . and went to work.

I was encouraged when the tight grip of the tangles loosened ever so slightly to my gentle urgings. I was disappointed to learn that several of the stones were missing and then elated to find both ends of the necklace with clasp and clasp receiver intact. A few more overs, unders, arounds and throughs, and the truth lay before me. The delicate chain was free and unbroken.

The process had taken less than an hour instead of the four I had budgeted. Luckily, the replacement stones were still being sold and were easily replaced.

I hope to wear my beautiful, restored necklace for many years to come, but there's more. I learned something.

Next time I get stuck in guilt after making one of those big or small mistakes that are common to my species, I'm not going to punish myself so long before deciding on a plan of action and taking the first step forward. Because, as it turns out, the first step forward doubles as the first step away from yearning to go back and change the unchangeable.

Can't She Control Her Children?

by Renee Hawkley

I've been thinking about the question a fellow shopper asked in a grocery store checkout line. While observing the behavior of a mother and her unruly young children, the shopper turned to me and asked, "Can't she control her children?"

Good question. Not one to be figured out in the express line.

On second and third thought, this is the question of all time. It first wriggled its way to the top in Genesis with Adam and Eve, seized a firm hold with Cain and Abel and continues to demand full attention through the long and unrelenting thread of history.

The one-word answer to the question, "Can parents control their children?" is no.  They can't. A simple concept, until it gets tangled in the minds and hearts of parents whose hopes and dreams are invested in outcomes that are "best" for their children. That is, after all, the rub.

While they are young, we control our children's environment and attempt to provide them with a foundation for temporal and spiritual safety, health, material needs, education and opportunities for development. But our children do not belong to us. They are not our property. We do not purchase them or "break" them as if they are horses to be used for purposes of our own.

It is true that as parents, we have the opportunity to influence, teach, bless, direct, guide and lead our children. As we go along, we can learn valuable skills that can help us be more effective in our task of passing the torch to a new generation. We provide examples for them. We love them. We cherish them. We have faith in them. We pray for them. However, in the final analysis, their thoughts, words and actions are their own, not ours.

Look around. Even God doesn't control His children even though unlike us, He does have the power to do so. Maybe that's why we're called human beings. We are the masters of our own thoughts, words and actions. We get to be what we choose to be and to experience the consequences of that being.  It's part of the plan.

Lunch with Janette

by Renee Hawkley

I was feeling a little downhearted, so I called my married daughter, Janette, to see if we could meet for lunch. She told me to pick her up in ten or fifteen minutes when she stopped bleeding. Bleeding? BLEEDING?
"What happened?"
"Mom, I was using my rotary cutter to cut quilt blocks and sliced a piece off the end of my index finger."
OK, I told myself. Don't panic. Just get there!
I arrived at her house and determined that doctors or stitches weren't needed. Whew! Then, we figured out how to get a band-aid to stick to the tip of her finger.
Crisis over, we drove to the nearby Sonic Drive-in with the rollerskating waiters and shaded picnic tables. Janette ordered for both of us . . . grilled cheese kids' meals with fries, a cookie and fruit slushies . . . and we talked about all the important stuff. Like her new responsibilities at work due to a promotion, clothes we needed, places where the clothes might be on sale and the questionable incidents at a recent wedding reception. Fries and girltalk . . . delicious!
Woops! Our 30-minute lunch had turned into 45, so we quickly dropped our napkins, straws and cups into the garbage and headed for the car. I drove her home, and we exchanged quick "I love you's."
At a stoplight, I noticed that "feeling a little downhearted" had been replaced by a warm assurance that reminded me of when I was the daughter, and my mom put a band-aid on my hurts.
I guess it's true. Life's a circle, and what goes around comes around.
Thanks for the band-aid, Janette . . . you're a great mom in the making!

Don't Come In Here, Mom's Throwing Spaghetti

by Renee Hawkley

Patience. There's that word again. It bothers me. When I'm not wishing I had more of it, I'm wondering why I keep losing the little I have. Getting patient takes too long. I want patience, and I want it now.
I ask you. What's so hard about keeping a sprinkling of poise when things don't go smoothly? It should be easy. All you do is nothing.
At least I know I'm in the right profession to acquire it. A mother's patience gets wrung out and strung out on a never‑ending clothesline of surprises. The variety cov ers everything from trying to clean soggy cat food out of the vacuum cleaner because your child tried to hide some evidence to responding when a teenager calls at 2:00 a.m. ask ing if she can break her midnight curfew.
I dream of having the patience of my friend, Melody. So I asked her to give me some pointers. She reminded me that mothers don't see each other behind closed doors. Then, she told her story.
One evening, Melody made spaghetti for dinner, called each member of the family and sat down to wait. Nobody came. She called the family a second and third time with no response. By this time, the spaghetti was lukewarm, and Melody was hot.
When her teenage daughters finally sauntered into the din ing room, they were too late. Melody had boiled over. She flung fistfuls of cold spaghetti at them and only came to her senses when they dashed out of the room shouting to the rest of the family, "Don't come in here! Mom's throwing spaghetti!"
Reassurance. That's what this story gives me. Reas surance and courage to start a new day, knowing that oth er moms have been exasperated and angry and frus trated, too . . . just like me.

"My Favorite Decisions"

by Renee Hawkley

Since turning 60 on June 25th, 2006, I've been trying to graciously accept "little old lady" status. I guess it's not so bad. Just because little old ladies have "been there, done that" doesn't mean we're through being and doing. And even though people may not pay attention to what little old ladies say, they finally stop interrupting.
Let the record reflect that little old ladies don't become little old ladies without making some dumb decisions, but . . . we can talk about that later. I'd like to talk about the decisions I made that opened a lifetime of exciting possibilities. They may not be right for every woman, but they were precisely right for me, and I wouldn't trade them for all the botox in Hollywood. For what it's worth, here are a few of my favorites;

  • to be a "sunbeam" for Jesus (about 1949)

  • to marry Dan Hawkley because I was madly in love with him even though we spent his life savings on an alarm clock the day of our marriage (1966)

  • to prove to my dad that I could finish earning a college degree (1969)

  • to help Dan follow his dreams of becoming an Air Force officer and an attorney (1967-77)

  • to spend a large chunk of my childbearing years wearing double-knit maternity clothes when having a large family was out of fashion (1968-85)

  • to be a stay-at-home mom (1969-98 . . .I wish it had been longer)

  • to stick it out and never give up when things got tough (1990)

  • to stop expecting perfection in myself and others (2001)

  • to be happy anyway (2002)

And . . . (drum roll) . . . my newest-best-tried-and-truest decision;
  • to let God be the boss (2004 and counting).

Thoughts of War ... And Peace

by Margaret Thomas Marchant

With an introduction by her niece, Renee Thomas Hawkley

Thoughts of war are seldom pleasant. From my Aunt Margaret Thomas Marchant’s life history comes this narrative of events surrounding World War I. The setting is Swan Lake, Idaho, where my grandparents operated the Thomas Mercantile, a general store that still serves Swan Lake today.

“It was January of 1917 . . . The North wind whistled over the Red Rock Valley. The snow lay crusty and glazed over its entirety. The world seemed to lie in silent terror, waiting. Waiting. Only the wind expressed openly its feeling of deep anxiety. War, fear, tanks, guns!

Ours was a little town whose young boys had volunteered - - boarded the local train mid tears and good-byes, and found themselves, homesick, frightened and alone in France. Tonight the wind howled the grief of a frightened world. Victory for America tottered - - but was there not yet a great ocean between us and our enemies?

The pins on the big map behind the pot-bellied stove in our general store had been arranged and rearranged. The town fathers had spoken sadly as their crusty hands had gently place the pins in their new positions. ‘This is where our boys probably are tonight,’ they had said wistfully.

There would be little news now until the local train arrived tomorrow or until a freight train went by. There was always a chance that a conductor or brakeman might drop in while passing through. Trains stopped often to take water, flush out the hoboes and readjust cargo. On occasion, the train men ran in to pick up a few dozen fresh eggs and leave a bit of recent war news.

Darkness fell with a foreboding heaviness. Feeble kerosene lamps struggled to lift the gloom. One by one the men of the village filed out into the icy night. Dad and I were left alone. We’d check the fire, turn out the lights, bolt the door and brace ourselves for the walk home.

We tucked our collars in, covered our ears, put on our gloves and left the dying embers of the tiny fire. As we faced the windows, we heard the distant whistle of a train. Quickly, Dad relit the lamps and turned them high.

‘Neither man nor beast must find our village without a gleam of light tonight,’ {Dad} said. I peered into the swirling white terror. From the north came the unmistakable rumble of wheels and the distant lights of a train. ‘Could be another load of our boys,’ said my father in a low voice.

Through the ferocious storm, a figure approached. The train came to a screaming halt. The flagman signaled with his faint lantern. There was another grinding lurch and still another, as if that great black demon were thrashing in pain. There was the sound of crashing steel—the water flowed, splashed and blew in the wind.

The store door opened, and in came a snow-covered man. He stomped his feet unceremoniously and said, ‘It is a terrible night. I haven’t seen a wilder one in all my experience. How about a few eggs and a bit of your fire?’ The eggs were packed carefully, padded with excelsior and tied with a heavy string. Hard to tell just how long their trip might be, or where they were to go.

The conductor warmed himself by the dying coals. He rubbed his hands, stomped his feet, and talked—serious talk. No, his train was not loaded with soldiers. This train carried a very precious cargo—coal for the war effort. It must keep moving, he said. Its destination was to remain a secret.

‘Mr. Bain,’ I heard my father say, ‘We are expecting a baby at our house any day now. I am very worried. Our doctor has the flu. We are going to have to depend upon whomever we can to help with the delivery. Worst of all, we have no coal.’

. . . ‘Mr. Thomas,’ said the thawing trainman. ‘I’d so like to help you, but I simply don’t know how I could do it—government property, the war effort, our boys in France, etc. Of course,’ he continued, ‘There’s no law that says a man couldn’t pick up a few lumps of coal that might just accidentally fall off the cars. The two back of the engine are the fullest.’

The train groaned and shifted its screeching weight. The door closed behind the trainman, letting in a swirling blast of snow.

‘Get those two burlap bags by the trap door,’ said my father as he blew out a light and closed the stove door. ‘Then get that new Flexible Flyer off the wall and bring the lantern. We’re going for a little walk,’ he said with a new sound in his voice. We closed and bolted the front door and dragged the shiny new sled and the burlap bags into the blustery night.

In the distance, the train moaned its lonely ‘Goodnight.’ We braced ourselves against the stinging cold. Across the tracks we hurried.

‘Why are we coming down here?’ I asked.

‘You’ll see,’ said my father in a muffled tone.

As we neared the empty bunk house, I knew. There was a neat pile of beautiful black lumps of coal. Quickly, we stuffed the bags. Their sides bulged. Dad filled his arms, and somehow, we dragged, pushed, and carried it all home.

How briskly Dad walked with his lantern. How buoyant were his steps. The shed door closed on its precious contents. The lock snapped shut. We were home at last. The wind whistled outside, but now we were safely inside, and there was a new peace on my father’s face.

The next day, mystery hung everywhere. Women went about our house with soft whisperings—washing little faces, changing clothing, and laying out caps and coats. We children (went to) . . . . Aunt Pauline’s (to wait). Time passed—night came. The little children fell asleep and were laid upon the bed. I struggled with heavy eyelids. I must be awake when Dad came for us. ‘Oh, please hurry,’ I thought, ‘we’ve waited such a long time.’

It was late when we got home. Disinfectant hung like a cloak over everything, and there were lights in rooms I had never seen lighted before. A certain reverence seemed to hover around our little home with its crisp, faded curtains and its tired furniture.

‘Speak softly,’ whispered my father, ‘Angels have been here.’ He stopped by the bedroom door, ‘Would you like to see one?’ he whispered. A single kerosene lamp burned on the bureau. The little round heater boasted a few dying embers so warm and cheerful. There lay my mother, her long braids over a white pillow—a tiny, wet curl upon her cheek—her eyes closed, mouth gently smiling and on her arm our new baby sister.

‘You may kiss her,’ whispered my father. I took a long, long look at my sleeping mother and the tiny pink face beside her, then silently bent over and planted a kiss. T’was then I felt as my father had said that the quiet, the peace, and the comfort and the joy of heaven were all there that night, and I could say as he had said, ‘Speak softly—angels have been here.’”

Thoughts of War ... And Peace

Thoughts of war are seldom pleasant. From my Aunt Margaret Thomas Marchant's life history comes this description of events surrounding World War I. The setting is Swan Lake, Idaho, where my grandparents operated the Thomas Mercantile, a general store that still serves Swan Lake today.
“It was January of 1917 . . . The North wind whistled over the Red Rock Valley. The snow lay crusty and glazed over its entirety. The world seemed to lie in silent terror, waiting. Waiting. Only the wind expressed openly its feeling of deep anxiety. War, fear, tanks, guns!
Ours was a little town whose young boys had volunteered - - boarded the local train mid tears and good-byes, and found themselves, homesick, frightened and alone in France. Tonight the wind howled the grief of a frightened world. Victory for America tottered - - but was there not yet a great ocean between us and our enemies?
The pins on the big map behind the pot-bellied stove in our general store had been arranged and rearranged. The town fathers had spoken sadly as their crusty hands had gently place the pins in their new positions. ‘This is where our boys probably are tonight,’ they had said wistfully.

There would be little news now until the local train arrived tomorrow or until a freight train went by. There was always a chance that a conductor or brakeman might drop in while passing through. Trains stopped often to take water, flush out the hoboes and readjust cargo. On occasion, the train men ran in to pick up a few dozen fresh eggs and leave a bit of recent war news.
Darkness fell with a foreboding heaviness. Feeble kerosene lamps struggled to lift the gloom. One by one the men of the village filed out into the icy night. Dad and I were left alone. We’d check the fire, turn out the lights, bolt the door and brace ourselves for the walk home.
We tucked our collars in, covered our ears, put on our gloves and left the dying embers of the tiny fire. As we faced the windows, we heard the distant whistle of a train. Quickly, Dad relit the lamps and turned them high.”

To be continued.

How Close Is Next Door?

We live in a close-knit neighborhood on Treeline Street among friends. I say "close-knit" because it takes about ten seconds to walk next door to Crawford’s house on one side and ten to reach Dietz’s on the other . . . ten to Helen’s across the street and ten to Diana’s and the Nielsen’s, who live kitty-corner. The Wongs, O’Connors and Moores live a few steps further. We live on the same street, but in different worlds. You can do that in the 21st Century.

Last week, I baked cookies and divided them up for some of my neighbors because it’s been several months . . . well, maybe a year . . . since I’ve seen most of them.

I found out some new stuff. Crawfords are planning a trip to Bosnia to visit their son, Christian, who serves as a medic in the military. Eleanor O’Connor continues to inspire her art students, and Ed is trying to get rid of a lingering cough. Diana’s mom is well enough to manage the activities of two pre-teens, who each grew at least six inches last year. When I tried to deliver Helen’s cookies, she wasn’t home, and the cookies looked good. We ate them. Mexican wedding cakes, you know. Irresistible.

My next-door neighbors live further than my email and phone friends in Tennessee, Colorado, Utah and West Virginia. Still . . . I’m glad I baked cookies, opened my front door and walked a few steps to knock on their doors. For the record, I plan to bake again real soon so I’ll have an excuse to visit Helen, the Dietz’s and some of the others. Because next-door is a good place for close friends to live.

If I Could Change the World

Time to do January again. Start exercising. Start shedding old habits. Start over. But wait. Before I start on the difficult subject of MYSELF . . . how about I take the easy route and change the world first. Yeah, that’s it!

I could easily change the world with just one little tweak. Steven Covey would call it a societal paradigm shift. In my native language (which I refer to as "motherese") it is called, "Listen up."

Here is my official 2003 "Listen Up" Proclamation For Change.

"Men and women of all nationalities, cultures and creeds . . . GROW UP and stop treating sex as a toy!"

If everyone would just do this ONE little thing . . . many of the world’s problems would simply evaporate in less than a generation. Pernicious problems like pornography, abortion, AIDS, teen pregnancy, abandonment of children by parents (particularly fathers) who don’t want to take responsibility for their part in creating babies, sexually-related diseases, prostitution, destruction of families by "other" women and "other" men, domestic violence and the sticky webs of spousal and child abuse. There would be fewer struggling single parents, fewer prisons, fewer hungry children, fewer people in therapy, fewer people who need therapy but can’t afford it and fewer prescriptions to fill. There would be a need for fewer laws and fewer professionals trying to enforce and regulate them. Who knows? There might even be something worth watching on TV.

So, there you go. My proclamation for changing the world. I happen to think it would work.

And now . . . I must get back to the more difficult January task at hand. Starting to put fewer things into my mouth so I can lose the three pounds I gained over the holidays.

Helping the Helpless

Last week, images of a mother repeatedly punching her little daughter after returning her to the back of a van were caught on tape and flashed on the news nationwide. Later, the little girl was taken from her home and put into foster care.

This incident is a graphic reminder of a horrific problem that preys on our weakest and most vulnerable citizens. The sickening fact is that over 250,000 neglected and abused children must be rescued from their home environments and placed in foster care each year.

Many, if not most of these children arrive in foster care without their own "stuff." The Dr. Laura Schlessinger Foundation provides "My Stuff Bags," filled with new belongings, to thousands of these children. American Mothers, Inc. has pledged to help by providing blankets for these bags. Frankly, AMI has not been able to meet the pressing demand for these comforting blankets. At the same time, the need for them is increasing daily.

The best solution would be for all parents to treasure their children and to provide a safe and nurturing home for them. In the meantime, ordinary citizens can let these children know that someone cares by donating any new, handmade or purchased blanket in any size suitable for babies through teens.

A blanket can be made in less than an hour with 1 to 1 ½ yards of fleece and a pair of scissors. No sewing is required. Monetary donations are also accepted. Those who would like to organize a project under the umbrella of a church or civic organization in their community will be much appreciated. Postage is available for shipping the blankets to the Dr. Laura Foundation.

Please go to americanmothers.org and click on "Comfy Covers" or contact AMI toll-free at 877-242-4AMI for details.

Just One Peaceful Day

by Renee Hawkley

Dear Lord, please grant me just one peaceful day;
At dawn, I’ll rise to pray the hours away.
Please banish worldly matters that intrude,
And long past sunset, I’ll give gratitude.

Dear Lord, please bless me with some quiet hours;
Time for me to sense Thy tender powers . . .
Uninterrupted time with Thy good book,
Without the nagging quest of what to cook.

Dear Lord, please take me to a lovely place
Where clutter vanishes without a trace;
Where eagles fly, and mountains are to view,
And not for scaling up or plowing through.

Dear Lord, please reach out with Thy gentle hands,
To stabilize the pulse of life’s demands;
Please remove some chores from my long list,
Thou knowest, most of them will not be missed.

Dear Lord, give me the heart and eyes to see;
The me that is mature spiritually;
Please open up a vision clean and clear
Of what my mission is while I am here.

Child, you have not understood my ways;
Spiritual life is not in tranquil days.
I have a lovely place prepared for you,
But here and now, we’ve heaven’s tasks to do.

Life is not a product to put out;
Life is not a time card, have no doubt;;
Life is not a checklist or a race;
Life is not blue ribbons for first place.

Right now, heav’n surrounds you all the while,
It’s there inside a tiny baby’s smile,
You’ll find it in a whisper on the breeze;
And every time you drop onto your knees.

Heaven comes in snatches, look around;
When you seize the moment it is found.
Little joys and fragments of delight;
Little blessings, little rays of light.

Time is not your enemy, dear friend;
Eternity awaits and has no end;
All along the road, I’m very near;
Just call my name, because, "I’m here! I’m here!"

Where Seldom Is Heard a Discouraging Word

Most Americans can sing "Home on the Range." Dreams of "a home where the buffalo roam" are now far-fetched, but it’s still possible to have a home "where seldom is heard a discouraging word."

From the time a baby starts putting paper clips in her mouth, throwing Cheerios and reaching for electrical sockets, a parent responds with, "No, no!" A certain amount of knee-jerk answers are required to keep homes intact and children safe. However, constant negative responses can be discouraging and can actually do damage.

Several years ago, while shopping, I heard a mother continually berate her children. They seemed listless and beaten down by her approach. When I got home, I decided to listen to myself interact with our children. I discovered that, while I wasn’t using obvious negative labels, I WAS overdosing on the word "no" and the negative contractions "can’t, won’t, shouldn’t, couldn’t and don’t." I decided to change and found that it IS possible to turn any negative statement into a positive one.

Start like I did, by playing a personal mind game. Every time you hear yourself belittling a child, saying "no" or using one of the contraction words, try to think of a way you could have turned your negative words into positive ones.

For example, your six-year-old asks if he can go out to play. Instead of saying, "Not until your bed is made," say, "Yes, as soon as your bed is made." Your baby starts reaching for a tube of lipstick. Instead of grabbing his hand and saying "No, no" . . . move the lipstick and give the baby something else to play with. When your child runs toward his bike, say, "Stop! Remember to put your helmet on" instead of "Don’t get on that bike without a helmet!" It may be a subtle difference, but ask yourself, "Which directions would YOU rather receive?"

Establishing positive language habits takes devotion and a marathon mentality. For me, it continues to be a challenging task. However, it’s worth the effort to turn our "home on the range" into one "where seldom is heard a discouraging word."

Never Milk That First Cow

When my mother was a newly-wed, her mother gave her a wise piece of advice. Never milk that first cow. My grandmother knew that once the skill of milking cows was acquired, her daughter would get plenty of opportunities to use it. My mother relayed the same advice to me with the added note that I should also avoid learning how to start the lawn mower. I have passed these same instructions along to our married daughter.

According to the 2000 Census, there are 13,177,197 female heads of households in the U.S. who are engaged in far more difficult work than milking cows or mowing lawns. They are attempting to be both father and mother to their children in a danger-ridden and complex world. The negative fallout from this statistic reaches into every facet of American life and eclipses all other problems put together. Far too many jails are being built, far too many children are unsupervised, far too many students drop out, far too many children are being sucked into the culture of drugs and other self-destructive behaviors while their mothers are trying to put food on the table by holding down two or three jobs, and far too many fatherless children are becoming parents to fatherless children.

Those of us who are fortunate to have loving fathers and husbands in our lives take them for granted. Heaven knows . . . and we know . . . they aren’t perfect. Matter of fact, they have a multitude of faults, which we moms, wives and daughters are diligent about trying to correct. After all, turning men into civilized human beings is part of our job description.

Still . . . Father’s Day gives us a chance to say thanks for their immeasurable contributions to the members of their families and to the world. At our house, that means a special dinner, some gifts and a chance for my husband to get out of helping with the dishes.

I’d especially like to thank my father and my husband for never requiring me to milk that first cow.

Who Can Help God Bless America?

Who can help God bless America? This task is reserved for people with courage, dedication, patriotism, diligence and love . . . like firefighters, military personnel, policemen and presidents. But they aren’t the only ones who preserve the "land of the free and the home of the brave."

Since I left home for college in 1964, my mother has written me a weekly letter telling me the news from home and updating me on the activities of my brothers and sisters and their families. Sometimes, the letters are four or five pages long . . . no margins allowed. Each of my five siblings gets the same treatment. My mother is dedicated. She helps God bless America.

Recently, my husband and I watched Judy Andrews run a dramatic segment of the Olympic torch relay as it threaded its way toward a cauldron-lighting ceremony in Boise. She had her four young children with her. Their family was stationed at Mountain Home Air Force Base nearby when her husband, Evander Andrews, became the first American casualty in the war against terrorism. Judy has patriotism. Judy helps God bless America.

I met my friend, Bonnie, at a wedding reception, surrounded by her children and grandchildren. They’re a congenial clan and were having a delightful time. If I didn’t know the facts, I wouldn’t believe that her feet had been amputated less than eighteen months ago. Bonnie has courage. Bonnie helps God bless America.

Every Sunday morning, at 8:58 a.m., my friend Connie and her husband come trooping into our chapel on McMillan Rd. with their four children, all under eight years old. Every shoe is tied, every shirt and dress is clean and every freckle has been polished. The faces of the children almost sparkle. Church starts at 9:00. Connie is diligent. Connie helps God bless America.

My friend, Carol, wanted a family more than she wanted a promising career as a concert pianist. She is the mother of two and teaches piano to many budding musicians. Carol’s 20-year-old son, Chris, has cystic fibrosis. His life and health are ever fragile. Carol has learned to appreciate every moment and continues to be there every step of the way. Carol has love. Carol helps God bless America.

In every neighborhood across these United States, American citizens rise up to meet their ordinary and extraordinary circumstances with courage, dedication, patriotism, diligence and love. Each one helps God bless America. It is my belief that ordinary American mothers are among those who do it best.

Somebody Said

by Renee Hawkley

(from her book, "Don't Come In Here! Mom's Throwing Spaghetti!" Excerpts of this article were reprinted in the Reader's Digest.)

Somebody said a mother is an unskilled laborer . . . somebody never gave a squirmy infant a bath.

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you’ve had a baby . . . somebody doesn’t know that once you’re a mother, normal is history.

Somebody said a mother’s job consists of wiping noses and changing diapers . . . somebody doesn’t know that a child is much more than the shell he lives in.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct . . . somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring . . . somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver’s permit.

Somebody said teachers, psychologists and pediatricians know more about children than their mothers . . . somebody hasn’t invested her heart in another human being.

Somebody said if you’re a "good" mother, your child will "turn out" . . . somebody thinks a child is like a bag of plaster of Paris that comes with directions, a mold and a guarantee.

Somebody said being a mother is what you do in your spare time . . . somebody doesn’t know that when you’re a mother, you’re a mother ALL the time.

Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices . . . somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child wind up and hit a golf ball through the neighbor’s kitchen window.

Somebody said you don’t need an education to be a mother . . . somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.

Somebody said you can’t love the fifth child as much as you love the first . . . somebody doesn’t have five children.

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books . . . somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery . . . somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten.

Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back . . . somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married . . . somebody doesn’t know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother’s heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother’s job is done when her last child leaves home . . . somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said being a mother is a side dish on the plate of life ... somebody doesn’t know what fills you up.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don’t need to tell her . . . somebody isn’t a mother.

Doing Small Things With Great Love

This week, I reviewed the acceptance speech of Mother Teresa as she received the 1979 Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo, Norway. As speeches go, this one is not fancy or particularly well crafted. It is simply moving. The life and words of Mother Teresa demonstrate that one does not have to be the owner of wealth, beauty or superior intelligence to change the world. Here are a few excerpts from her incredible speech:

"We have been created to love and to be loved."

"Maybe in our own family we have somebody who is feeling lonely, who is feeling sick, who is feeling worried, and there are difficult days for everybody. Are we there? Are we there to receive them?"

"I think that we in our family, we don't need bombs and guns, to destroy or to bring peace - just get together, love one another, bring that peace, that joy, that strength of presence of each other in the home. And we will be able to overcome all the evil that is in the world… Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the action that we do."

"I had the most extraordinary experience with a Hindu family who had eight children. A gentleman came to our house and said: "Mother Teresa, there is a family with eight children; they have not eaten for so long; do something". So I took some rice and I went there immediately. And I saw the children - their eyes shining with hunger. I don't know if you have ever seen hunger. But I have seen it very often. And (their mother) took the rice, she divided the rice, and she went out. When she came back I asked her: "Where did you go, what did you do?" And she gave me a very simple answer: "They are hungry also". What struck me most was that she knew - and who are they? a Muslim family - and she knew. I didn't bring more rice that evening because I wanted them to enjoy the joy of sharing. But there were those children radiating joy, sharing the joy with their mother because she had the love to give. And you see this is where love begins - at home."

"I want you to find the poor here, right in your own home first. And begin love there. Be that good news to your own people. And find out about your next-door neighbor. Do you know who they are?"

"If we could only remember that God loves us, and we have an opportunity to love others as he loves us, not in big things, but in small things with great love."

I Believe in Families

I believe in families.

I believe in Band-Aids and the power to kiss it better.

I believe in moving mountains with a teaspoon.

I believe in Crayons and blocks and Legos, and then I believe in putting them away.

I believe in chores and homework.

I believe in learning how to spread peanut butter and jelly on fresh bread all by yourself.

I believe in kneeling to teach a child how to tie her shoes so they won’t come undone.

I believe in candy canes and M and M’s.

I believe in drinking milk and brushing teeth and reading bedtime stories.

I believe in training wheels and picnics.

I believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

I believe in freckles and wrinkles.

I believe in saying, "I’m sorry."

I believe in fixing dinner and eating it around the table and doing the dishes.

I believe in birthday parties.

I believe in loving people the way they came and the way they are.

I believe in sticking up for your brothers and sisters, even if it means getting a black eye.

I believe in curfews and telling parents who you’re with and where you’re going.

I believe in buying shoes.

I believe in Thanksgiving Dinner and ringing bells on New Year’s Day.

I believe in stocking up on toilet tissue, shampoo and Kleenex.

I believe in buying more shoes.

I believe in attending band concerts and dance recitals and soccer games.

I believe in parent-teacher conferences and PTA carnivals.

I believe in book fairs.

I believe in going to church and paying attention to the sermon and praying.

I believe in my parents and my children’s parents, and I believe in home, because . . .

I believe in families.

Compliment a Stranger Today

A compliment from a friend or relative is nice. Still . . . a genuine compliment from a stranger has staying power. It comes out-of-the blue from a person with no personal stakes in your welfare.

My all-time favorite compliment came from a six-year-old. He belonged to a classroom of first-graders in the school where I was substituting as a music teacher. As the students filed in, this little boy stopped in his tracks and allowed the other students to pass him by while he gave me a serious once-over. My presence was obviously a cause of concern. After the other students had taken their seats, this little boy remained standing, put his hands on his hips and continued to give me with a puzzled look. His eyes squinted, and he asked me in his best FBI voice, "Are YOU a teacher?"

Well . . . I had the credentials of a teacher, I was wearing my "teacher" clothes, my hair was combed, and I was even wearing makeup. So, I confidently replied that I was Mrs. Hawkley and would be his music teacher for the day.

Much to my surprise, the boy remained skeptical. Still, he began to amble toward his seat with words that were immediately tattooed to my brain, "You LOOK like a mother."

I was stunned, but I immediately knew that this boy had just given me a priceless gift. It was a defining moment because in that moment, I realized that the soul of me showed up on the outside.

I’m proud to be a mother. It’s what I always wanted to be, it’s who and what I am, and I’m glad that it shows. No wonder strangers ask me to help them with little tasks while I’m out and about. I look like a mother!

Give a stranger an honest compliment today. It may be as simple as telling her that you noticed her performing a kind act or that you are impressed with the behavior of her child, or even that she has a beautiful smile. Everyone is doing something right. Notice it today and speak up! You may never see the stranger again, but your encouraging words may echo in her ears and heart for the rest of her life.

The Magic of Running Water

I hope that someday I get the chance to meet and thank the inventor who discovered the magic of hot and cold running water. If I do, it will mean for sure that I made it to heaven. At MY house, this inventor is the angel who is responsible for the glowing success of my washing machine, three toilets, one shower, two bathtubs, a dishwasher and four indoor water faucets, including the precious one attached to my kitchen sink. Oh . . . I forgot the outdoor faucets with their network of sprinkler heads. I hope I didn’t forget any others, but I wouldn’t put it past me, because hot and cold running water is a feature of my life that I particularly love to take for granted.

I was reminded of my well-established habit of ingratitude while preparing dinner for our New Year’s Day celebration. For some reason, the water faucet connected to my kitchen sink had developed a hiccup. Every time I tried to turn the water on, I had to turn the vegetable sprayer on first so that the water faucet would engage. It took at least two extra seconds to do this each time, and those two extra seconds were starting to get on my nerves because I don’t know how many ba-zillion times I had to turn the faucet on. It was a lot.

Somewhere in between the preparations for the meal, I took a nice hot bath, did three batches of laundry, filled my water glass several times, ran the dishwasher, made a few trips to answer the call of nature and washed my hands enough to keep the lotion companies in business. Every time I did, I wondered about the mothers, fathers and children around the world who don’t enjoy this treasured luxury and are inconvenienced a lot more than two seconds each time they need water.

I suppose that in the broad scheme of life, water is a necessity while hot and cold running water are to be considered "extras." Still . . . I’m grateful to live in America, where this advantage is just a simple fact of life. I wish everybody could.