Somebody Said

by Renee Hawkley

(from her book, "Don't Come In Here! Mom's Throwing Spaghetti!" Excerpts of this article were reprinted in the Reader's Digest.)

Somebody said a mother is an unskilled laborer . . . somebody never gave a squirmy infant a bath.

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you’ve had a baby . . . somebody doesn’t know that once you’re a mother, normal is history.

Somebody said a mother’s job consists of wiping noses and changing diapers . . . somebody doesn’t know that a child is much more than the shell he lives in.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct . . . somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring . . . somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver’s permit.

Somebody said teachers, psychologists and pediatricians know more about children than their mothers . . . somebody hasn’t invested her heart in another human being.

Somebody said if you’re a "good" mother, your child will "turn out" . . . somebody thinks a child is like a bag of plaster of Paris that comes with directions, a mold and a guarantee.

Somebody said being a mother is what you do in your spare time . . . somebody doesn’t know that when you’re a mother, you’re a mother ALL the time.

Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices . . . somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child wind up and hit a golf ball through the neighbor’s kitchen window.

Somebody said you don’t need an education to be a mother . . . somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.

Somebody said you can’t love the fifth child as much as you love the first . . . somebody doesn’t have five children.

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books . . . somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery . . . somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten.

Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back . . . somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married . . . somebody doesn’t know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother’s heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother’s job is done when her last child leaves home . . . somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said being a mother is a side dish on the plate of life ... somebody doesn’t know what fills you up.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don’t need to tell her . . . somebody isn’t a mother.