Where Seldom Is Heard a Discouraging Word

Most Americans can sing "Home on the Range." Dreams of "a home where the buffalo roam" are now far-fetched, but it’s still possible to have a home "where seldom is heard a discouraging word."

From the time a baby starts putting paper clips in her mouth, throwing Cheerios and reaching for electrical sockets, a parent responds with, "No, no!" A certain amount of knee-jerk answers are required to keep homes intact and children safe. However, constant negative responses can be discouraging and can actually do damage.

Several years ago, while shopping, I heard a mother continually berate her children. They seemed listless and beaten down by her approach. When I got home, I decided to listen to myself interact with our children. I discovered that, while I wasn’t using obvious negative labels, I WAS overdosing on the word "no" and the negative contractions "can’t, won’t, shouldn’t, couldn’t and don’t." I decided to change and found that it IS possible to turn any negative statement into a positive one.

Start like I did, by playing a personal mind game. Every time you hear yourself belittling a child, saying "no" or using one of the contraction words, try to think of a way you could have turned your negative words into positive ones.

For example, your six-year-old asks if he can go out to play. Instead of saying, "Not until your bed is made," say, "Yes, as soon as your bed is made." Your baby starts reaching for a tube of lipstick. Instead of grabbing his hand and saying "No, no" . . . move the lipstick and give the baby something else to play with. When your child runs toward his bike, say, "Stop! Remember to put your helmet on" instead of "Don’t get on that bike without a helmet!" It may be a subtle difference, but ask yourself, "Which directions would YOU rather receive?"

Establishing positive language habits takes devotion and a marathon mentality. For me, it continues to be a challenging task. However, it’s worth the effort to turn our "home on the range" into one "where seldom is heard a discouraging word."