Just Bathe the Baby

Anyone who thinks mothers are unskilled laborers should try giving a newborn baby a bath. Here’s a simple set of instructions for this entry-level skill:



  1. Set aside thirty minutes of uninterrupted time. Telephones, doorbells, dryer buzzers, sibling rivalry in the other room and oven timers must be ignored.

  2. For best results, select a time when baby’s tummy is midway between full and empty.

  3. Assemble all paraphernalia, including baby’s tub, disposable diaper (better bring two), shampoo, washcloth, soap, receiving blanket, skin preparations, clothing, towel and soft-bristled hairbrush. Consider earplugs and additional towels if baby’s siblings are "helping."

  4. Fill tub with water set at the exact temperature between lukewarm and too warm.

  5. Spread towel beside tub and lay baby on it.

  6. Remove baby’s clothing and prepare for reaction when cold air assaults baby’s body.

  7. Wash baby’s face with damp washcloth before transferring baby to tub.

  8. Place baby in water, being sure to give firm but gentle support to baby’s head and shoulders with one arm while managing the washcloth, soap, paraphernalia and baby’s siblings with the other. Wash baby with washcloth, paying particular attention to removing "dirt" from under the toes, between clenched fists and fingers, under neck creases, behind ears and from other cracks and crevices.

  9. Shampoo and rinse baby’s hair.

  10. Throughout process, soothe and entertain baby with loving words, reassuring baby of steps taken to ensure baby’s comfort and informing baby of plans for the day.

  11. Whisk baby from bath water to towel, wrap baby in towel loosely and dry baby, paying particular attention again to all cracks and crevices.

  12. Apply skin preparations, including diaper rash ointment and lotion as desired.

  13. Diaper and dress baby, brush baby’s hair and wrap baby in receiving blanket.

  14. Feed baby to full line while rocking gently.

  15. After baby falls asleep, place in crib and cover with blanket if necessary.

  16. Clean up mess.

  17. Breathe sigh of satisfaction.

  18. Proceed to the "unskilled labor" of keeping baby healthy and happy.

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